Adding a fourth is a way of adding an extra bit of pacification in your conversation. This should also be accompanied by raising your arms and hands to chest height, half outreached with palms facing outward as if you are an orchestra conductor directing a section to play softer. The word “Whoa” is a universal expression towards anyone to slow down and is meant to get between their using their words and resorting to hostile action. Learn about other people and their culture but go beyond foods and festivals.

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TWO:  "Mental Skin Graft" - If done correctly, the agitated person will hopefully be slightly disarmed and confused and may the respond with, “Huh?” Their saying “Huh?” represents their pausing in the escalation of their taking some kind of destructive action. At that point, say, “Shhh” “Shhh” “Shhh” “Shhh.” This should also be accompanied by the same hand gestures above or alternatively using your left hand by itself (and if you’re a police officer, you can have them look at your left hand, while you blade your bodies with your gun side back). A left hand alone is less confrontational and felt as more conciliatory than both hands or a right hand alone. A right hand can indicate something that can quickly turn into a fist or grabbing something to throw. The purpose of saying, “Shhh” “Shhh” “Shhh” “Shhh” is to intervene in the agitated person’s thinking. In other words, it is a way to help them quiet their mind. Explore the unfamiliar. Put yourself in situations where you are in the visible minority.

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THREE: "Raising Oxytocin & Lowering Cortisol" - If done correctly, the agitated person will hopefully be even more disarmed and confused – but not agitated - and may again respond with, “Huh?” If this works, you have calmed down both their impulse and slowed down their racing thoughts. At that point say, “Now tell me what happened that brought you to this.” They may not immediately be ready to engage with you in a conversation and may again respond with either, “Huh?” or “What?” If they say either, respond with, “Yes, something happened that led up to this, tell me what that was.” By responding in this way, you’re validating and appealing to the reasonable person inside and that something must have occurred that triggered their becoming so angry. You’re also causing them to feel listened to and talked with, both of which increase their feeling connected and their oxytocin.